


Monophobia

by AsagiStilinski



Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Companionship, Cuddling & Snuggling, Fear, Getting Together, M/M, Magical Stiles Stilinski, Mild Hurt/Comfort, full shifted Derek, isomnia, sbfears, sterekbingo, sterekbingo2018
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-26
Updated: 2018-05-26
Packaged: 2019-05-14 06:33:08
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,338
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14764446
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AsagiStilinski/pseuds/AsagiStilinski
Summary: [mon-uh-foh-bee-uh]noun1. An abnormal fear of being alone.





	Monophobia

**Author's Note:**

> Ah this was originally going to be SO different, dealing with a more concrete fear, monster-of-the-week type of thing, it was going to be long and detailed and deal with several different people but... as time started ticking down I realized I'd have to do something different, so this is what I did instead, maybe someday I'll do the one I originally had planned....
> 
> Also the Powerpuff thing is totally random, I was never THAT big of a PPG fan as a kid actually so I have no idea where the hell it came from....

When Derek woke, he was alone

Wich in it's self is really nothing unusual, he always woke up alone

...

Unless, ofcourse, someone was breaking in or threatening his life, in those cases he would _wish_ he had woken up alone

So he was used to this, there was nothing unusual about it, it was just that... sometimes it hurt worse than he was willing to admit

Sometimes he woke up in the lonely darkness and felt like he was suffocating

He felt, at times, like he was drowning, depressed, empty, low and ultimately resigned to the loneliness but no less saddened by it

Other times- times like tonight- he woke up _afraid_ of the loneliness, afraid of the darkness

It felt like every shadow was hiding something or someone that was out to ultimately kill him, or worse, use him as a means to an end to kill the people he cared about

He was frozen in place, afraid to move, afraid to speak, no matter how suffocating and deafening the silence could be, he was afraid to break it, like it would break whatever imaginary barrier was currently protecting him, keeping him in place

Like a single sound might somehow draw the monsters towards him or make the nightmares real

There was never anything special about these nights, he had learned, nothing he could distinguish from any other night that is

He could go to bed feeling perfectly normal and wake in some sort of mental torture chamber

He hated it, he despised it, it was the _worst_

Some nights he would just lay there awake for what felt like hours, for what might just _be_ hours

He was always so torn between staying awake until sunset or going back to sleep

Either way, between the nightmares in his dreams and the ones in reality, he was going to have a restless, fear-filled night, even if he could somehow force himself to go out to the living room and watch TV or something, the gnawing fear and loneliness in his gut wouldn't vanish until morning, he knew from experience

Still... he knew that he couldn't just lay still staring at the ceiling for hours on end, no matter how paralyzed he felt

Slowly, and with a suffocating weight in his chest, he forced himself to sit up, running his hands through his hair and deciding that maybe going outside would help

Maybe if he went for a run....

It didn't usually do anything to ease his mind, and he often found himself having flashbacks of hunters chasing him, creatures lurking in the woods, ending up with his paw caught in a trap or a bullet hole in his chest...

But it _had_ to be better than this

It **_had_** to be

He swung his legs over the side of the bed then, feeling almost unsteady on his feet as he headed out of the bedroom

He didn't have a plan in mind, he honestly didn't know what he was going to end up doing, but he just knew that he needed to get out of this apartment

He needed to be somewhere- anywhere- other than here

 

~+~

 

Stiles was restless

He often was these days, he couldn't remember the last time he actually slept well, but he was pretty willing to bet that it was years ago

He hadn't slept all night and it was already three in the morning

He could feel the crushing and familiar anxiety that came with this kind of sleeplessness encroaching upon him, rushing through his veins and clenching like a boa constrictor around his heart

When he closed his eyes everything was dark- not in the typical way that it was when someone slept, but just... unendingly and overwelmingly dark, like he was falling into a deep chasm of ... well, he didn't know what

Like he was destined to fall into the darkness and never come out of it

He hated that feeling, it was fear mixed with anxiety mixed with hopelessness and emptiness

It was _soul crushing_

And worst of all, probably, was the fact that he couldn't get help from anyone else

He knew from experience that just being around someone, just talking to them, might take the edge off, ease away some of the panic that clawed at the back of his head- that he would be alone forever, that no one cared, that no one would remember him in the long run- but who was awake at three in the morning?

His dad was at work, Scott and the others were in school- and, you know, sleeping- and yet here he was- alone

Sure Derek was around, and actually they had been seeing alot more of eachother lately, but he didn't expect him to be awake at three in the morning and he _definitely_ wasn't going to wake him up when he knew that Derek had finally started getting something resembling sleep, and especially not for such a petty issue

But.... there was _one_ person who might be awake and available at this time...

After everybody started leaving for college, he had decided he needed to expand his social circle- well..... sorta

He had decided to start making a bigger attempt to have some casual relationships with people from the RPG he participated in, and there was one in particular who lived in Japan who might be available

When he checked though, he found with frustrating disappointment that the guy wasn't online

He had another freind in England he could check on but it was still pretty early for her and her patterns suggested that she wouldn't be on until early evening anyway...

He turned off his phone with frustration, rubbing his hands over his face and taking a tight, heavy breath

Why the hell did he have to feel like this?

Why the hell was he always so alone?

He had always been afraid of being alone- deathly afraid of it, for that matter- especially after his mom died, but lately....

Ever since the Wild Hunt, he feared it even more than he used to, and times like now where he couldn't talk to anyone, when he just... _had_ to stay alone...

It was maddening, it made him feel like he was going crazy and that was just ticking an entirely different set of boxes for stirring up his anxiety....

He couldn't take this anymore

He couldn't just keep laying alone in bed, in this empty house, full of shadows and with a looming sense of death hanging over it

He needed to make himself feel like he was ... like he was _real_ again, somehow

He needed to make it all stop, make the silence disappear, _something_

Ultimately he decided to go for a drive, not knowing where he was going yet or how long he would be gone, he just knew that he needed to get out and that was the best solution he could think of for acheiving that goal

 

~+~

 

It wasn't helping

Derek had been running for what was probably close to an hour and so far it just... wasn't helping

Sure the warm summer air was nice and it definitely helped him feel like he was actually able to _breathe_ again instead of feeling like he was completely cut off from air, but there was still a clawing, gnawing anxiety in the back of his mind

The fear that he would always be alone, that this would never end, that things would never get better...

It was practically crippling and he hadn't been able to figure out yet how to get rid of those feelings, or atleast lessen them, or at the _very_ least, banish them to the back of his mind and learn to ignore them

He had yet to manage any of that and it was only getting worse

Being out here in nature helped him with not feeling claustrophobic sure, but it was just replaced with another sensation all together

The anxiety that there was something lurking behind every shadow and around every corner, that he was just going to be stuck like this forever....

It was so all-consuming that he hadn't even realized how far he was running, he hadn't realized that he was actually standing in the middle of a road until the blaring flash of headlights caught his attention

_Then_ he noticed the car, _then_ he realized what had happened

He was going to run off, back into the woods, make his way back home and just force himself to settle in the lonely apartment until morning, but then he caught a rather familiar sound...

The rattling of an old, slightly displaced engine that was uncannily the jeep's- _Stiles' jeep_

He trotted out a little closer to the car, amazement striking him when, indeed, he caught sight of the familiar blue car

And more importantly, of the person driving it

Stiles laid on the horn like that would actually tempt Derek to move out of the way, so the wolf took to sitting down in the middle of the road in protest

It seemed to work, considering the jeep pulled to a sudden stop only a second later, motor still running as the driver's side door swung open and Stiles hopped out, making his way quickly towards the werewolf

"You're Derek, aren't you?" he asked dryly

Sure, he hadn't seen _alot_ of Derek in this form- only about two or three times actually- but the wolf considered that he still should have known that any random black wolf standing in the middle of the road for no apparent reason was atleast _probably_ Derek, atleast at this point

In response, Derek rose to his feet and trotted towards the back of the jeep, sitting down again and waiting

Stiles had started keeping spare changes of clothes in his car well over a year ago, between the werewolf transformations and the tendency to get covered in dirt or blood or whatever else, he had considered it a necessity

It really was kind of perfect for times like this

"You know, I'd like to know how you planned on getting back in your apartment with no clothes," the witch mused with an irritated huff as he headed to the back of the jeep to get the clothes

Derek had his ways, but he wasn't going to tell Stiles any of them just yet

It was honestly more fun to watch him try to figure it out himself

 

~+~

 

Rather than going home, Stiles and Derek had come to the mutual and almost unspoken conclusion that they would rather stay out a wile longer, so here they were, sitting in front of the lake in silence, somewhat... drinking in eachother's company without the need to say anything

"What are you doing out here anyway?"

Ofcourse, leave it to Stiles to break that silence alot sooner rather than later

"Shouldn't you be asleep?"

"I could ask you the same thing," Derek returned

Wich, ok, that was fair

"I'll tell you mine if you tell me your's?"

"Are we really doing something that juvenile?"

Stiles' lack of verbal response was answer enough, prompting the werewolf to heave a quiet sigh and shake his head

"I couldn't sleep, that's all,"

"Same,"

It was uneventfull and honestly, Stiles had a feeling that it was untrue on Derek's part- he _knew_ it was untrue on his own end- but he wasn't going to pry any further than that and he hoped that Derek would show him the same curtousy

"I take it your dad is at work?"

"Yeah, he's cut down alot on the late shifts but still takes one every now and then,"

"You didn't care to visit him instead of driving around aimlessly?"

"Nah, why worry him? Besides, have you ever been to the sheriff's station after midnight? I've been in _actual_ ghost towns that creep me out less,"

Derek let out a snort of a laugh, a grin tugging at his lips, but he didn't say anything else for the time being

"Have you talked to Cora lately?" Stiles asked absently

Usually he didn't mind the silence when it came to Derek, they had a nice thing going that way, but he just ... needed there to be something more than silence for now

He needed something to help ward away the loneliness and the crippling anxiety and fear that bubbled up along with it and talking helped with that, even if they weren't talking about anything in particular

"We spoke yesterday, she's doing well,"

Stiles nodded slowly, the gears in his head starting to turn- wich was always a dangerous thing at this time of night, the later it got, the weirder his thought patterns seemed to get

"Would you define 'yesterday' as Monday or Tuesday?"

There was a pause, a look of confused annoyance on Derek's face

"What?"

"Well I'm just thinking, technically, it's almost four in the morning on a Wendsday, but it's still actually night time, so do you consider 'today' as being what's on the calander- IE: Wendsday- or do you consider it to be the same day it was when the sun set- IE: Tuesday-? Personally, I don't consider the day being truly changed until the sun rises, so I consider yesterday to be Monday,"

There was a pause, somewhat breif and awkward, before Derek spoke again

"Your head is a weird place,"

"Yeah I know, kinda hard to blame me for some of the ... _less typical_ stuff I do now, isn't it?"

"Less typical... like writing an economics papper about circumcision?"

Stiles' mouth fell open, full offense written all over his face

"Alright, how the hell does everybody know about that!?"

"Well let's just say that if your dad is tired or annoyed enough he'll go into something of a tangent about it,"

Right, sure, because _ofcourse_ he would

"Great...."

"Are you ever going to explain that papper, by the way?"

"Are YOU ever going to tell me how you get back in your apartment with no clothes or keys to speak of?"

Derek answered with a shrug, wich was mildly disappointing, Stiles had actually expected more out of him that time around

So, heaving a low sigh, the witch leaned back against a tree behind him and snapped his fingers, watching a sparkling golden light emerge from his palm

He watched with mild disinterest as the light swirled around in his palm, then started touching upon each of his fingertips, until each one had a bit of the glow

"What are you making there? A Millennium item?" Derek teased

"No, but good reference," Stiles smirked back, moving a little bit closer to the werewolf and holding his free hand out palm-up, silently encouraging Derek to participate along with him

With a fake roll of his eyes, the werewolf gently placed his hand in the wich's, then watched with fascination and only a very minor rush of anxiety as Stiles placed the golden light on his fingertips against Derek's

It was warm, just slightly, but still warm, and Derek watched in utter fascination as Stiles slowly removed his hand, but left the golden light against Derek's fingertips anyway

"Well, it's pretty.... but what am I supposed to do with it?"

"Close your hand into a fist," the witch said with a small smirk

And, because Derek trusted him- wich was still a little bit of a kick in his opinion, Derek _trusted_ him, for real, both in and out of life-threatening situations, he really, honestly _trusted_ him, how may people could actually say that?

He watched with mild excitement as the werewolf indeed closed his fist as directed, and Stiles could see exactly when the effects kicked in

Derek's expression went from confused to surprised to mildly pleased as he squeezed his fist a little bit tighter

"I see, so it causes a vibration?"

"Yep, it helps you relax, or atleast I've been using it for that, I'm still tweaking it but I'm thinking I could get it to be like a little massager too, work the kinks out of some muscles and stuff,"

"Huh... you're pretty talented with this magic stuff, I have to admit,"

"You've mentioned that before, but I'm always happy to have the compliment," Stiles winked back

Actually, it made him feel kind of warm and fuzzy to know that Derek was so impressed with him

He didn't consider himself to have all that many skills, but he was pretty proud of his magic, so it definitely meant more to him than maybe it would on any other occassion to hear that Derek really appreciated what he could do

The wolf opened his hand again, humming in quiet appreciation as the vibrations stopped and the golden lights vanished again

"Something like this will be pretty usefull for fighting, if you can change the mechanism from vibration to something a little more painfull,"

"Right, because that's always the first thought on my mind, how can I use this to defend myself," Stiles snorted back, and although he said it sarcastically, he wasn't completely kidding

It had become something of a necessity over the last several years to keep his own self-defense at the top of his priority list...

"That isn't such a bad thing, sometimes it's completely necessary," Derek pointed out quietly, as if he had read Stiles' mind

Or maybe he just knew exactly what the witch was going through and wanted to offer some words that he wished he had heard over the years...

"I guess... but is it bad to wish that it wasn't?"

"Ofcourse not,"

There was another pause, a breif one, before Derek spoke again, his voice low and soft, as if afraid to disturb the atmosphere around them or something

"Do you... ever regret it? Getting involved in this part of the world, I mean,"

"You mean werewolves and witches and monsters oh my?" Stiles guessed, shifting slightly and picking absently at the grass beside him

He wasn't sure what to say

He didn't regret it but he regretted what came of it

"I guess.... I do but I don't, I don't regret you or my powers or some of the people I've met but... I regret some of the things that have happened, definitely, does that make sense?"

"It does," Derek nodded slowly, his gaze focused out towards the lake rather than on Stiles himself

Stiles wondered what he was thinking about, but knew it would be far too intrusive to ask

"Do you... want to go home or-"

"No, do you?"

The answer was possibly too quick for his own good, but Stiles couldn't be bothered to care

The thought of going back to that cold and lonely house, to being consumed with that fear again after he was finally getting rid of it now by talking to Derek... it felt like someone had sent an electrical jolt through his body

"No," Derek replied with a shake of his head

"But I'm surprised you don't, it's getting awfully late,"

"Dad won't be back until late morning, probably, and I... I just don't want to be alone right now,"

He was coming just short of saying that he was afraid of it, that he didn't want to be alone because he was afraid to be, but he didn't quite go there, he wasn't ready to say it yet, and besides, he had a feeling that Derek knew exactly why he didn't want to be alone

He was even willing to bet that it was the same reason that Derek was out at this time of night in the first place, as a matter of fact

"You could... come back to my apartment, if you want, so we don't have to keep sitting out here, I keep thinking something is going to come out of that lake if we stare at it long enough,"

Stiles barked a laugh, a slight grin coming to his face as he forced himself back onto his feet and held his hand out to help Derek up

"Wow Derek, that was almost paranoid enough to sound like me,"

"Admit it though, that would be our luck wouldn't it?"

"No kidding," the witch snorted, brushing himself off and stretching, trying to work out the kinks that had started forming in his back

"Alright, you need me to drop by my house on the way over to get a DVD or something?"

It went without saying that they were both a little too tired to hold a real conversation at this point, and there weren't alot of other options outside of TV that required little to no brain power

"Firstly, I do actually have some DVDs of my own you know, and second, I really don't think that's going to be necessary, _something_ tolerable has to be on at four in the morning,"

 

~+~

 

The Powerpuff Girls

The Powerpuff Girls was the tolerable thing on at four in the morning

Derek had threatened three times to put in an episode of X-Files or something but he was just too tired to even bother getting up from the couch, and so was Stiles for that matter

It was to be expected really, neither of them had rested well over the last few days, working on a complicated case that Stiles, as a private detective, had come across, and now with this sleepless night...

So they ended up with Powerpuff Girls, somehow, and no amount of "We're two adult men, it's four in the morning, and we should have some standards" was going to make either of them move

"Bubbles was always my favorite," Stiles muttered absently, his back pressed up against Derek's chest, one arm under his head and the other dangling off of the couch

"Mine too," Derek muttered from behind him, body squished between the witch and the back of the couch, one arm under his head and the other slung over the back of the sofa

Stiles shifted, eyebrows raised as he stared at the wolf over his shoulder

"You watched Powerpuff Girls as a kid? And you liked _Bubbles_?"

Derek stared at him with an annoyed, offended look on his face, as if Stiles had just kicked him in the shin or something

"No Stiles, I was raised in a cave with no such thing as entertainment or cartoons,"

"Not- .. it's not like THAT, just... I don't know, I never saw you as a _Powerpuff_ sorta dude, and especially to be a Bubbles fan, I don't know, I expected you to be more a fan of Blossom,"

Derek shrugged, rubbing the heel of his palm against his eyes tiredly

"Blossom can be a bit of a know-it-all,"

Stiles snickered, then started full-out laughing, shaking his head slowly and grinning from ear to ear

"Am I the only one hearing this conversation? We're laying here talking about wich freaking _Powerpuff Girl_ is our favorite, you and I, who started out ... I don't even know what we started out as, antagonists? We antagonized eachother? Yeah, antagonists, at first, and in just a few short years we're snuggling on a couch talking about Blossom, Bubbles, and Buttercup, that's called charector development,"

"I think the term you're looking for is 'personal growth'," Derek snorted back, pausing breifly before adding another question

"We're snuggling?"

"Aren't we?"

Well... when he put it that way

The wolf could feel his face heating up, but he didn't have an argument for it

"I guess we are," he muttered quietly, feeling the tiredness in his mind really starting to sink in

He had slowly gone from "exhausted but too anxious and paranoid to sleep" to being much more calm and at ease, the fear that had been lingering in his mind since waking up a few hours ago had long since vanished and was now replaced with honest serenity

All because of Stiles...

And to think, they had come together under such odd circumstances

What would the odds have been of them both deciding to go out at that exact time, to that exact place, he wondered...?

Hell, what were the odds of neither of them being able to sleep on the same night?

(Well, alright, those odds were probably significantly higher than the others, but still)

"Derek?"

The wolf blinked, looking down at the mildly concerned look on Stiles' face

"You zoned out for a second there, you ok?"

"I'm fine... did you ask me something?"

"I just wondered what other things from your childhood I could reminiscence with you about, have a favorite episode of Scooby Doo?" he asked with a teasing smirk

Derek snorted, eyes rolling and a grin tugging slightly on his face

"Actually... I was always pretty fond of the one with the purple werewolf,"

" _Oh my god_ ,"

"What? Not expecting an answer?"

"You know something? Yeah, actually, I wasn't,"

Derek shrugged, a teasing smirk on his face as the two of them locked eyes, both falling quiet

It's always something of an odd headspace to enter when you're this tired, things seem almost surreal, inhibitions get lowered and everything becomes lighter and softer, like you're looking through a different lens, as if someone was using a different camera filter...

That was how it felt to Derek, to be staring at Stiles now, and he wondered absently if Stiles felt the same way looking at him, if his tired-but-sleepless state produced similar results...

"Hey Derek?"

"Hm?"

Apparently, his unspoken question was about to be answered, as Stiles leaned closer and very gently, very carefully, placed a kiss on his lips, soft and light, shy and gentle, before moving back, his eyes drooping as he started to yawn

"Thanks,"

"What are you thanking me for?" Derek huffed playfully, eyes falling shut

"I should be thanking you,"

There was no such thing as getting over a fear of being alone, atleast... not for them, not in these circumstances, but the beautifull thing?

It didn't really matter if you had someone with you to make sure you were never alone again


End file.
